A Clarksville property management company has announced plans to rent out their tenant’s closets as affordable housing options to address the city’s residential shortage. The move has raised eyebrows among advocates, who have called the plan “ridiculous” and “inhumane.”

Closet Dwelling

“Closets are the wave of the future!” said Copper Realty & Management’s CEO, who asked not to be named due to an unrelated federal investigation. “They are cozy, efficient, and affordable. Plus, who doesn’t love a walk-in closet?”

The company’s “Closet Living” initiative will offer rental closets ranging in size from 2x4 to 4x6 feet for $1,200 to $4,000 per month, depending on the location and closet size. Each closet will be outfitted with a cot, a small dresser, and a portable toilet. “People spend a lot of money on storage units, so why not make a living space out of it and house more tenants?” said the CEO in a leaked diary entry. “It’s a win-win situation – the more units we have available, the more application fees we get to keep! Its free money!”

Image Credit: Copper Realty

Popularity

Copper Realty & Management confirmed they have already leased many closets to out-of-towners who have sold their houses in more expensive cities to move to Clarksville. These listings are taken before the closets hit the market – often by new residents with large families that further exacerbate the strain on the city's already overburdened infrastructure.

Critics argue that this approach only benefits the company's bottom line while leaving local residents, who have lived in the area for years, out in the cold. The CEO declined to comment on these allegations, stating only that the company is committed to providing affordable housing options to all those in need.

Community Concerns

However, not everyone is convinced that the initiative will address the pains of a growing city. “Living in a closet is not a solution to the housing crisis.” said housing advocate Susan Johnson. “It’s a cruel and inhumane way to make money off of already struggling people.”

Copper Realty & Management insists that the closets are a safe and affordable option for those in need of housing. “We’ve taken every precaution to make sure our closet dwellers are comfortable and safe,” said the CEO. “We’ve installed a ventilation system to ensure proper air flow, conduct regular inspections, and cover the expenses with the 12 months of non-refundable rent due when a new lease is signed.”

Image Credit: Copper Realty

A new Industry Standard

Despite the criticism, Copper Realty & Management remains optimistic that the closet living trend will take off among the rental industry, citing its potential to unlock new profits for the already well-endowed company.

“We’ve made quite a buzz with this policy,” said the CEO. “People are excited about the opportunity to pay us for asking to live in a walk-in closet. Who wouldn’t be?”

By Chris P
Monday, March 27 2023