Employers in Clarksville are jumping on the latest trend in the workforce - "millennial-speak" job titles. In an effort to attract younger workers, companies are replacing traditional job titles with trendy and ridiculous phrases that make no sense to anyone over the age of 35.

The new job titles range from the somewhat plausible, such as "Social Media Manager" (which is already a real job title), to the completely absurd, like "Chief Napping Officer" and "Director of Social Media Influencing." Employers hope that by using these titles, they will attract younger workers who are more interested in job titles than actual job responsibilities.

One local company has taken the trend to a new level by renaming all positions with puns related to the company's name. For example, the receptionist is now called the "Front Desk Warrior," the accountant is the "Number Cruncher Extraordinaire," and the janitor is the "Chief Cleanliness Officer."

"It's all about being cool and hip," said the companies retention officer. "We want our employees to feel like they're part of something special, something with a purpose. And what's more purposeful than a fancy job title?"

The trend has already caused confusion among some employees who are unsure of what their new job titles mean. One employee, who asked to remain anonymous, said, "I don't even know what a 'Social Media Influencer' is, let alone a 'Director of Social Media Influencing.' I just hope it pays well."

The new job titles have also raised eyebrows among older employees who are not familiar with the lingo. One employee, who has worked for the company for over 20 years, said, "I don't understand what's wrong with the old job titles. Why do we need to make things so complicated?"

Despite the confusion and skepticism, some employees have embraced the new titles. "I love my new title," said a newly-minted "Chief Happiness Officer." "It makes me feel like my job is more than just answering phones and making copies. It's like I'm a superhero or something."

While the new job titles may seem ridiculous, employers in Clarksville are betting that they will help them attract younger workers who are more interested in job titles than job responsibilities. Only time will tell if the trend catches on, or if it goes the way of other fads, such as parachute pants and neon scrunchies.

By Chris P
Monday, April 3 2023