A seemingly unremarkable guardrail off Exit 1 has single-handedly thwarted the grandiose expansion plans of Buc-ee's, the Texas-based gas station giant. Meet Gary the Guardrail, the unsung hero of Clarksville, whose propensity for derailment has sent Buc-ee's executives reeling.

Gary, standing tall and sturdy, has earned a reputation as the little guardrail that could, and more importantly, couldn't. Positioned strategically at a crossroads where semi-trucks frequently turn with all the grace of a drunken ballet dancer, Gary has become an unwitting symbol of Clarksville's unique charm.

Image Credit: Facebook

Buc-ee's, renowned for its colossal-sized convenience stores and clean restrooms, had set its sights on Clarksville for its next franchise location. However, what they hadn't accounted for was Gary's uncanny ability to attract trucks like a moth to a flame.

ClarksvilleNow reported the shocking withdrawal of Buc-ee's from their site review, quoting Director of the Regional Planning Commission, Jeffrey Tyndall. The email from Buc-ee's cited their lack of confidence in reaching an agreement with the Tennessee Department of Transportation (TDOT) regarding necessary traffic improvements. What they didn't mention, though, was Gary's starring role in this farcical drama.

"Gary has always been a show-stealer," says local resident Emily Jenkins. "Every time they repaired him, I swear it was like an invitation for the next semi-truck to take a crack at him, like a never-ending game of truck bowling."

Local conspiracy theories are running rampant, with some suggesting that Gary has secretly been in the employ of rival gas station chains, working tirelessly to protect their turf. Others believe that Gary is just a misunderstood artist expressing himself through a symphony of screeching brakes and twisted metal.

In an ironic twist of fate, Gary has become a local legend, and there are even "Gary the Guardrail" fan clubs springing up on social media platforms. Memes depicting Gary as a superhero thwarting evil gas station empires have gone viral, bringing a sense of unity to the community that may have been sorely missing.

Image Credit: Facebook

The TDOT, meanwhile, is trying to figure out how to deal with this guardrail phenomenon. "We've never encountered anything quite like Gary," confessed TDOT spokesperson Lisa Johnson. "We're considering giving him his own Twitter account, maybe even a reality show. After all, if Gary can stop Buc-ee's, what else can he do?"

As for Buc-ee's, they've moved on to other potential locations, leaving Clarksville with a lingering sense of what might have been. Some residents are relieved, fearing that the introduction of such a colossal store might have changed the town's character forever.

In the end, Gary the Guardrail remains a steadfast sentinel, his dented and mangled form a symbol of resistance against corporate giants. Who would have thought that a humble piece of road infrastructure could derail the plans of a mega-corporation? It just goes to show that sometimes, the underdog—or in this case, the underguardrail—can come out on top in the most unexpected ways.

Image Credit: Facebook

By Chris P
Friday, September 15 2023